Relationship Realization

First of all, I am soooo excited that a new season of The Biggest Loser is starting tonight!!! And I feel worthy to watch because I spent 90 minutes at the gym this morning! I'm also going to try to do some sit-ups and stretches during the commercials to get in a little extra!

On the 30th and 31st I rearranged my room to make room for some new furniture. On the first I felt fine and ate well. I didn't hit the gym, but did some Just Dance 3 to sweat a bit. But on the second my back was tweaked. I couldn't move without feeling a little pinch, so I decided I didn't want to make things worse, so I didn't do any exercise and sat with a heating pad on my back most of the day.

Last night I had a first date. It was someone I met on an online dating site. We had been texting for a week before hand, and he seemed like a normal guy. The pictures from the site showed him as a 6'4" guy with a little extra weight on, which is fine because as we all know, I have a little extra weight on too. I had mentioned to him that I was trying to get back into running, and not drinking. I shared with him my new years resolutions about health and fitness and felt that I had held nothing back to who I am and what my life focus is now. I let him pick the restaurant for dinner. He picked California Pizza Kitchen. I was ok with that because I know they have some healthful options and small plates. I picked out that I was going to have an arugula and asparagus salad with a side of foccacia bread. It did put me over my calorie count by about 300, but I was ok with that.

We meet each other at the restaurant and my first impression is that his photos were about a year and +100 pounds out of date. We introduce ourselves and head to our table. The first thing he does is offer me the cocktail menu, when he knew I was trying not to drink. Strike One. I told him to feel free to have one, but I wouldn't be joining. We order, I stuck with my salad and bread, he ordered four cheese ravioli and a taco appetizer. The conversation was alright, not sparkling witty sweep me off my feet conversation though. The dessert menu arrives, and he tries to tempt me to get something. Why are you trying to sabotage me when we just met!? Strike Two. It didn't seem as though he wanted the date to end after dinner, so I suggested we walk to the BJs at the other end of the mall.

Not even a fourth of the way to the restaurant his breathing gets heavier. I was thinking, "well, ok, this is definitely not a person that would want to run a 5k with me, or it would be difficult to go to Disneyland with". I had decided that I was just going to get water and if he wanted something, like a cocktail, that would be fine. I just knew they were open later and it was a casual place to talk. When we went to sit down I saw my worst nightmare happening, but not to me. He didn't fit in the booth with a non-movable table. I didn't even think that we should grab a high top table, I was thinking comfort, and booths are comfortable. He kinda squeezes in, and immediately I suggest we get a tall table. At work I see people walk in who clearly will not fit in a booth, so I seat them at a table so they don't have to ask or be embarrassed having to squeeze in. Then he orders a Pazooki (a cookie with ice cream). Strike Three. On a first date I feel that you are to be on your best behavior and not make waves. If someone told me they were a recovering alcoholic, I would never order a cocktail in front of them. At that point I really tried to drive home my dedication to being healthy, hoping that he might respond positively and say that he is looking to do the same, but he just kept eating his cookie. And that was kind of the deal breaker for me.

We left the date open ended and didn't plan another one. I drove home feeling like a horrible person that I didn't want to date this guy because of his eating habits and weight. I was wondering how to tell him that I didn't want to see him again, should I just go with the standard "There just wasn't any sparks" (which there wasn't). I got up this morning even more dedicated to my health because I never want to not be able to sit in a booth! (Among other things). I went to a Body Pump class and felt SO good after. Even though at one point my legs and arms were shaking while squatting or doing tricep dips. I also went for a mile on the elliptical when I was done and came home and made a healthy egg scramble.

I was still feeling guilty about why I didn't want to see this guy again. I had to call my mom and dad (separate calls, haha). I explained to my dad my feelings and the situation and he made the point that is wasn't my date's weight that was the deal breaker, it was the fact that his lifestyle doesn't mesh with mine at this point in time. That I need someone that will be taking the same journey or is supportive of mine and won't sabotage it. My mom told me exactly the same thing. It made me feel better that they could help me sort down to the root of why I didn't want to see this person again. I have no problem with extra weight on my significant other, it is more the support I need and deserve from a partner.

I still haven't found a way to let him down gently that I don't want to see him again. I'm hoping that a lack of me texting him back will give him a hint... But at least I learned something about myself and what I'm looking for in a partner. That is my relationship realization.